Lay It All Down

Lay it all down, lay it all down, lay it all down, lay it all down.

Everyone in Ohana Court is pressed up towards the front, hands in the air in surrender. There is excitement and joy in the air, and some people are jumping and dancing. But… wow! Do these eighteen-year-olds even know what they are declaring over themselves?! Do any of us young people really understand what a life in missions really means?

It’s so easy when we are gathered as a community here in YWAM to be excited about missions. Hawaii is beautiful, and the people you meet at this base are so awesome! There is excellent, cheap coffee right here on base, a nice air-conditioned prayer room open 24/7, plenty of staff to walk you through all your struggles, and powerful, corporate worship. How can you not fall in love with Jesus here? There are all kinds of hipster world maps and a circle of flags, and you can just look at the maps and flags and dream about all the places you will go one day.

But… missions is not about you. It’s not about “finding yourself”, traveling, or what you want to do in life. It’s about following God wherever he leads. It’s about taking care of his people and bringing them into restoration and relationship with him. And maybe along the way those other things come too, but the goal is always Jesus.

Sometimes following God means you’re not going where you want to go, not doing what you want to do. It’s laying down all your own desires and declaring that God have his way in you. God is a good Father! He cares about you; but like any good parent, that doesn’t mean you get whatever you want.

I’ve read a lot of missionary stories, and all the ones that stick with missions long enough end up going through such unimaginable struggles! Imprisonment, isolation, starvation, persecution, torture, martyrdom, sickness… the list goes on. As I stand in Ohana Court, singing with everyone else, I can’t help but wonder… where will we all be in twenty or thirty years? How many of us will still be in missions, how many will have died or survived some of these book-worthy experiences? And why, knowing the potential horrors ahead of us, do we plunge on, pursuing this life?

Because it’s so worth it! Jesus, you’re worth it all, every nation, every soul.

It may be because I’m only twenty-two and I’m still a bit naive, but I’m so eager to go. I want to work with the refugees and the prostitutes and the orphans, the poor, the sick, the heart-broken. I want to go overseas and struggle with the language and the food and the bathroom situations. I want to show the love of Jesus in tangible ways!

And yet… that’s not where God has me right now. He has called me to Hawaii for this season. I’ve complained so much because I’m doing so little of what I’m actually passionate about. Today I did yard work. Who really thinks to themselves, “I’m so passionate about yardwork!” But… it’s not about me or what I want! I know that work blessed the leaders of our ministry. We cleared the land on their property, and soon they will be able to use that space for ministry events. If I really want to be in missions for the rest of my life, I have to learn the heart of serving. I have to learn the rhythm of hard work. I have to learn how to take responsibility, to look ahead and plan effectively, to have eyes to see what needs to be done. And to be honest, I’m not there yet! But I am learning… and I think I’m finally beginning to understand what missions is really about. If I really want to love people, the first step is dying to myself… because I can only truly love well when I stop operating out of my own desires and let God work in me.